RWBY and JNPR's guide to Beacon
by KCNederland
Summary: Team RWBY gets a letter one morning with things they are not allowed to do anymore, like ruining houses or taking Pyrrha out drinking.


Like a lot of the events that seemed to follow team RWBY wherever they went, this one began in the morning. More specifically, it began with a letter arriving. After assuring Weiss that it was not a letterbomb, Ruby sat down to read the letter titled "_Team RWBY and JNPR's guide to Beacon_."

**1\. Yang's hair is sacred to her, do not risk your life trying to steal a strand. **

Everybody shivered as they thought back to the last time Ruby had dared Nora to steal a strand of Yang's hair. They were still repairing the damage done to the garden.

**2\. When Blake says that nobody should touch her favourite books, she means it. **

Ruby had found one of Blake's Ninjas of Love books and had sat down to read it. None of her friends was going to forget the awkwardness of explaining the bird and the bees to her any time soon.

**3\. Just because anything is allowed in arranged matches does that mean you should fight as dirty as possible.**

Certain people took the rule "Everything is allowed except long term injuries" as a personal challenge.

**4\. Fighting matches should include fighting.**

Thought to be fair to the staff, nobody had expected Yang to defeat Fox and Velvet by using her horrible singing voice.

**5\. That Weiss is the heiress to the Schnee Dust Company does not mean she has an unlimited amount of money.**

Due to students limited access to money, the richest team member often got the task of acting as his or her teams unofficial bank and for obvious reasons Weiss had been appointed team RWBY's bank. And while she gave her team mates enough to cover their weapon maintenance, they tended to use their money on beer, sweets, fuel and entertainment instead, leading to a weekly tradition of begging for more every friday.

**6\. Neither does Pyrrha.**

After Weiss usually turned them down, Ruby, Yang, Nora and Jaune tended to ask their other friend who had far more money than she knew what to with. Only Ren's timely intervention had managed to prevent her from emptying her entire back acount on her friends latest plan.

**7\. Proper weapon safety routines are to maintained at all time.**

Zwei had been playing around with Ember Celica one morning and now team RWBY's dorm was in need of a new window. (Zwei was fine though.)

**8\. Beacon likes to emphasise that different problems require different solutions.**

Nora lived by the rule of "a hammer solves everything" and had applied it to Beacon's latest rat problem.

**9\. Just because Blake is a cat faunus does not mean that she actually is a cat.**

Ruby had suggested her own solution to the rat problem, much to Blake's displeasure.

**10\. Nora is not allowed any more than one hundred (100) gram or ten (10) pieces of sugar a day. **

Everyone agreed that this was for the best, they didn't want to have Nora literally bouncing of the walls again.

**11\. Not everyone has Yang's tolerance for alcohol.**

To celebrate the end of the semester team RWBY and JNPR had gone to one of Yang's favourite nightclubs. There she had challenged all of her friends to a drinking competition, with the predictable ending of everyone but Jaune and Ruby ending up drunk.

**12\. If the bar refuses to serve to minors it shouldn't be taken as a reason to start a fight.**

The only reason the barman had agreed to serve them in the first place was because he knew not to pick a fight with hunters. Though he refused to serve Jaune and Ruby alcohol when he found out about the latter's age and the former's lack of strength.

Ruby had to be held down by Blake to prevent her from attacking the barman to get to try out some of the sacred liquid that her sister spoke so highly about.

**13\. Don't take advantage of drunk people.**

It turned out that Weiss was much more happy when she was drunk then normally, something Ruby had shamelessly abused to remove the restriction on sugar and cookies Weiss had placed on her. (Yang was proud of her sister for that.)

**14\. Find out how everybody acts when drunk before you take them drinking.**

Pyrrha got very scary and defaulted to her native tongue when she got too much to drink. Just her sitting in a dark corner, muttering in angry Mistralian had been enough to scare away half the customers and give Ruby nightmares. Since then Pyrrha had been denied entrance to all drinking parties in the district.

**15\. Trying to win a bet is no reason to interfere in someone's love life. **

This rule earned a collective snort, nobody believed that Beacon's unofficial tradition regarding the betting on who was going to end up with who was going to stop any time soon.

**16\. Professor Goodwitch does not like that it when you try to get her to go out with professor Ozpin.**

There was an awful lot of money in that pot through.

**17\. Hunters are supposed to save people, not make them homeless.**

This regulation caused a flurry of protests from team RWBY, they didn't wreck the house that badly during their latest mission. (And the train car was fine.)

**18\. Killing grimm is serious business.**

A competition had begun between team RWBY and JNPR about who could kill the most grimm in the span of one month, with the losers acting as the winner servants for a week.

Grimm activity around Vale had never been this low before.

**19\. Birthdays should not include visits from emergency services.**

Ruby's birthday had fortunately gone all right, but nobody knew who had managed to set the cake on fire.

**20\. Learning new languages is great, using it to prank other people isn't.**

Nora had learned some Mistralian from Pyrrha and had used her language skills in her match against Ruby.

Poor Ruby was never going to recover from her nightmares at this rate.

**21\. Pets have to be aired regularly.**

Professor Goodwitch was never going to forget the one time nobody had been available to take Zwei on a walk and she just happened to walk beneath their window, was she?

**22\. That the grimm are afraid of you is not an admirable quality.**

Humanity had long been wondering if the grimm had any sense of self preservation. Two certain teams recent crusade against all grimm within a kilometer long radius had proven that yes, they did.

**23\. Theatre presentations should not include weapons.**

Team JNPR had been dabbling in theatre lately and had taken the opportunity to re-enact some of their favourite movie scenes. Their interpretation of the battle between Sif and captain Atlas from "The Shield" had been a tad too lifelike for some teachers (and the theatre would never look the same again.)

**24\. That Mountain Glenn has been cleared of grimm does not mean anybody is going to live there again.**

After that the they had managed to kill or scare way every grimm in the city, Jaune had gotten the idea of buying some of the buildings and sell them again when the price went up due to people moving here again.

The idea was solid but the number of customers left much to be desired.

**25\. Don't create your own kingdom.**

After their latest plan to earn money had failed Nora had declared Mountain Glenn to be the kingdom of Valhalla with herself as queen. Only headmaster Ozpin's quick actions had managed to prevent the Vale military from putting down this perceived rebellion with force.

**26\. Nobody is allowed to speak of what happened after the competition.**

Team JNPR had won the competition with over nine thousand killed grimm versus team RWBY's "mere" eight thousand and nine hundred. Weiss had since bribed everyone into keeping quiet on what had happened there.

* * *

Just an exsersise in trying to write humour and since I always liked fics like this I decided to try my hand at it. If enough people like this and I get more ideas then I might continue.


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